by Will Ueland

I typically experience my most intimate encounters with God at the lowest points in my life. During times of isolation, depression or uncertainty, I would plead with God to reveal Himself to me. I wanted Him to return to me and be close again. And during these times, I often recognize that God had always been there. I was the one who drifted from his presence. I was the one who abandoned God. And despite my insolence, God stayed by me, waiting for me to return to Him. It's not clear if Israel fell away from God at this time, but it is apparent that they were not aware of God's presence when they were besieged by the Amarean army. The king sought to kill the prophet Elisha due to his people's distress (2 Kings 6.30-31). At this point, even those stricken with leprosy, who were outcasts from the city, were giving up their will to survive. They admitted that they were dead no matter which course of action they chose (2 Kings 7.3-4). And as with my life, this is usually where God reveals Himself in greater ways than I could ever imagine, as was the case with the officer at the gate (2 King 7.2).

I can't imagine the lepers' thoughts when they encountered the Amarean camp and discovered the abandoned food, goods, and horses. And although they were outcasts from society, they still recognized that this blessing was to be shared with all of the people. If I were in their position, I may have been hard-pressed to give up indulging in the abandoned goods and to share it with those who had kicked me out of the city. I would have felt entitled to it. However, these men still reported to the gatekeeper what they had found. And despite the foretelling of their redemption by Elisha, the king still doubted and proceeded with caution in verifying the lepers' story (2 Kings 7.12). I often find myself in a similar doubting disposition when the blessings of God start to be revealed within my life, especially after a time of hardship. I feel that it's too good to be true, or that if I get too excited the blessing will be taken away from me. Therefore, I should just doubt that the blessing truly exists. It's funny how easily I can fool myself into this pessimistic outlook. Just like the king, I need to check in with others to see if I'm just imagining a blessing and should have genuine concern over a potential trap. Typically this reassurance of close friends and prayer help me to change my doubting outlook to a grateful heart towards God. However, I desire to go straight to the thanksgiving part, instead of dealing with the doubt. I guess that until I reach that point in my spiritual development, I am so thankful that God is patient with me.

A fellow traveler,
Will