I don’t know about you, but this whole process of transformation seems a little too slow for my liking. At times, it can seem as if I am moving at a snail’s pace. Most of the time, snails are traveling light speed compared to me. When I look at my life and lean into the reality that so much of what has plagued me continues to plague me, I get really frustrated. I want to shout, “It isn’t supposed to be this way!”

Just this morning I had one of my “it isn’t supposed to be this way” moments. Actually, the last few weeks have seen a succession of these moments, constant reminders that what is broken in me is still broken. This morning, I paused and basically asked God what was going on. As I paused, the realization came to me that God never promised that it would ever not be this way. Quite to the contrary, it seems that this is the very way it is supposed to be. Let me explain.

Somewhere along the way, I think a number of us picked up the idea that spiritual transformation was all about arrival, getting it right, right now. We are supposed to pray, confess our shortcomings and then we are supposed to be spiritually whole. I am not sure where this thought comes from. I certainly have heard a number of scriptures loosely associated with the idea, but I think the idea really comes from the performance based culture we live in. I am beginning to realize that we view spiritual formation as a project to be completed, a box to be checked off. Coupled with this thought is the idea that we are supposed to do it. We are supposed to get it right. If we don’t, well. . . then we are failures, spiritual zeros. Is this really the way it is? I don’t think so. I don’t think the scriptures bear this out.

I have been spending a great deal of time reading Romans 8 lately. The one truth that has come through to me is that transformation is the job of the Holy Spirit, not mine. Not yours. We do have a role in transformation, but it isn’t the role of getting it right. Our role is to say “no” to a life controlled by sin and “yes” to a life controlled by the Holy Spirit. As we do that, the Holy Spirit begins to change us. That’s a huge load off me and you. It doesn’t stop there. You see, the Spirit doesn’t work overnight. Most of the things He is working on are deep below the surface. My shortness with our kids. It isn’t about a lack of patience. Really, it is about control rooted in a deep insecurity of failing as a parent because I saw my own parents fail. Trying to be patient isn’t going to cut it. The Spirit has to work with my sense of insecurity and bring healing. This insecurity took an entire childhood to build. It isn’t going to be fixed overnight. That isn’t psychology. That is biblical truth. Paul says that God has begun a work in us and He is faithful to complete it (Phil. 1.6). Do we get that? God has begun something in us. He hasn’t finished yet. That means that not only does God do the changing but He takes His time to do it. That means that we aren’t going to arrive or get there today. Why not?

I wonder if God doesn’t get us there all at once—though He could—because it would remove our need for faith. Sometimes I think I want to arrive spiritually, not because I want the life God has for me but because I don’t want to experience tensions in my life. I don’t want struggle because it reveals how much I need God. Maybe that is the point. Perhaps God fixes us slowly so that we learn to turn back to Him. Perhaps fixing us slowly is in a way His means of ultimately fixing us, bringing us back to Himself once and for all. It makes sense. It’s just hard. So what are we to do?

Here’s what I am learning. I am learning to live in the tensions, not to seek escape from them. I am learning to focus on and say “thanks” for the small steps God is helping me take and not belabor the failings. I have too many of those to count. I will get there. I will be spiritual mature; just not today. When I get there, it will only be because God has taken me and healed me. In the meantime I turn my face to Him daily and say, “Abba Father, I need you. Complete the work you have begun in me.”

A fellow traveler,

Blake
Spiritual Formation Pastor