To me, Jesus is perhaps the most fascinating person to have ever walked the earth. He wasn’t a person of pretense or hot air. He was full of substance and life. He had an uncanny ability to see right to the heart of things, and then put his finger on what was really going on. What I have discovered in my own walk of faith is that Jesus is not just a historical person who could see things straight, but he is a living person who continues to see things straight and put his finger on what is really going on. If we will open our lives to him, he will speak truth to us.

This past weekend I was chatting with Jesus. Actually, I was complaining. The biblical definition is probably closer to lamenting. Some might call it whining. Complaining makes it sound a little less dramatic, but dramatic it was. There I was mowing the yard with Jesus, a divine communication link between heaven and my red Toro twenty one inch mulching wonder. I was in the throes of a “woe is me” before God. “I don’t like this. Why is this the way it is? Let me tell you how I think things should be working.” Maybe you know the standard script. Jesus was pretty good about the whole thing. He just listened. He didn’t berate me or try to counter my objections. He just listened. In fact, he listened all day as my spiritual whining session went on, and on, and on. You get the point. He was incredibly patient. Finally, I stopped “complaining” and just got still. I started listening. Jesus thought we had probably talked enough that day so he sent me to bed. When he got me up on Sunday he felt I was ready to chat again.

I was shaving when he spoke. In his winsome way he asked a question that went to the heart of what was really going on. He simply asked “What do you want?” Sounds simple enough, but honestly, I didn’t have an answer. I knew where the question came from. It came from Jesus’ discussion with Andrew and another disciple in John 1.35-42. I simply hadn’t thought about it before. So, I started thinking. I pondered the question all day. I sat on the porch thinking about it last night. I went to John 1 this morning and thought about it. Finally, I had to say, “I don’t know how to answer. You are going to have to help me.” So, he did. What began to fill my mind were lots of things that I wanted. I want to be transformed. I want to get the articles and the book I have floating around in my head and heart down on paper. I want to have an opportunity to use the gifts I feel I am not fully free to use. I want lots of things. Pen in hand I jotted down the many things I want. Then I looked at the list and one thing was absent. God. I felt the finger of my savior on the heart of the matter. To be honest it smarted a bit, not in the “I am a terrible person” kind of way, but in the “Oh boy, now I get it” kind of way.

Wanting God. The journey of faith, of a transforming relationship with Jesus actually starts there. Oh, how many other things I have wanted other than what really matters. How many things I have loved, good things, just not first things. The Puritans labeled this as our primary calling, to be first and foremost desirous of God, to live before Him as the great Audience of One. Jesus marked it as the true path of discipleship. As Jesus called people to follow him, he called them first to be with him. The only way to be a follower of Jesus is first to desire to be with Jesus, to desire Jesus, not just the things Jesus provides. He does provide. He promises to, but his abundant provision flows out of a relationship that is rooted firmly in a desire for him first.

So, over the next few days and weeks it looks like I am going to be doing some personal inventory and probably asking Jesus how he wants me to open up my life so that he can begin to take first place. What about you? What do you want? Do you want Jesus, or the things he provides? Transformation, real transformation starts with desire, a want focused upon Jesus himself.

A fellow traveler,

Blake
Spiritual Formation Pastor