This past Saturday, my family spent the day doing Halloween stuff. We dressed up and headed out for some candy at ZooBoo. We made some plans to do a little trick-or-treating with some friends. And, we carved some pumpkins. This was actually the first year we have carved pumpkins as a family, something previously restricted for those less certain and sure with a knife. I am talking about me, not my kids. With safety knives in hand and permission to use them, we dug in.
After tracing our chilling patterns on the exteriors of our orange orbs, we proceeded to gut them. It took about two handfuls before the job of cleaning out pumpkin guts was relegated to Rachel and me. It really is something of a nasty endeavor. As Rachel and I cleaned out fistfuls of seeds and orange goo—what is that stuff anyway?—in preparation for the obligatory carvings, I realized how the work of God in each of us is like what I was doing to that pumpkin.
God has marked upon each of us the image of what He longs to create. That image is something we are born with, something, a somebody He has always intended that we be (Ephesians 2.10). Before we can become that person, God has to do some cleaning out. The insides have to change first. So slowly and surely God takes fistfuls of some pretty gross stuff out and in its place He puts His light. Only when that process is done can the work on the outside begin, work that gradually reshapes the outer exterior in such a way that it lets out the light that has been placed inside. God works inside-out.
When I think about carving pumpkins the inside-out approach makes complete sense. You can’t carve a pumpkin outside-in. That would foul the outer carving and possibly destroy it. However, when it comes to my own transformation, for some reason I think the process should be different. I want God to work outside-in. Actually, the truth is that I want to work outside-in. I seem to be more concerned with what is happening on the outside than what is happening on the inside. I spend my time “trying” to manage my brokenness and reform my exterior. I fret over how I will “do better” and experience guilt for failing once more. No worries. I can try harder next time. I keep trying to shape my exterior so that it resembles the person God intends me to be. The trouble is that it doesn’t work. Time and time again the image gets fouled, fouled by what is on the inside.
What I need is a good cleaning out first. That is something only God can do. Only He can work in the deepest parts of me, bringing out fistfuls of nasty stuff and replacing it with His light. It can be terribly slow and incredibly painful. In part it is painful because of the means which God must use to cleanse me. In part it is painful because it involves my death, to ideas of self-sufficiency, to my timing, and to my own sin-management. Working inside-out leads me to long periods where God is working but I and others see nothing. This work takes thinking differently about the journey of faith. Faith is not about behavior modification but about surrender to the One who is in me. While this work is hard and arduous, in the end it is rewarding. Eventually, God moves from the inside and begins His work on the outside, a work that reshapes and demonstrates to me and others the work that has long been going on deep within.
A fellow traveler,
Blake
Spiritual Formation Pastor