The King Saul of 1 Samuel 18.10-30 doesn’t sound like a nice guy. Earlier in 1 Samuel, we learn that God anointed Saul as Israel’s first king. God called Saul and Saul accepted God’s calling. This man had God’s blessing and all that went with being a king. Then, somewhere along the way, Saul thought he knew better than God. He took some matters into his own hands. As a result, by chapter 18, Saul seems anything but a successful and confident king. He was suspicious of his servant David, who had also found favor with God. This mistrust grew daily and caused Saul to try to kill David. What in the world happened to cause such a change in one who had a clear calling from God? Did Saul just wake up one morning and decide he had a better plan? I confess, at first, I thought “Can anyone be this mixed up when God personally chooses him or her, and the person knows he has been hand picked by God?” Really! As I thought about this, I was reminded of my own recent struggles with teaching. 

 

In high school I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God wanted me to become a teacher. That calling got me through my undergraduate and graduate years. I loved every class of students. No challenge was too big. For 21 years I knew who I was and what God expected of me. My enthusiasm knew no bounds and I never once doubted that I was up for anything thrown my way. After all, God had called me, “anointed me” so to speak, to be a teacher for Him. It’s funny, in a way, that the more successful I became, the more I thought I knew best. About eleven years ago I made a shift I wasn’t even aware of until it was too late. I had gotten a job in a school where there were two other reading teachers. I was eager to be part of a team, to exchange ideas and grow as a teacher. Shortly thereafter, I began to compare myself to the other teachers. I tried to fit the mold left by the teacher I was replacing. I thought that by trying to “fit in” I was doing things God’s way, sort of. I saw the others as better teachers than I was. This led to jealousy on my part. I came to dislike them and that made going to work very hard. Where had God gone? Did he still even want me to be a teacher? It wasn’t easy for me to realize that I’d stopped listening to God and had been listening to myself instead. Through prayer, family and friends, I came to see that I was being disobedient to God. I needed to stop looking at the success of those around me and start listening to what God wanted me to do. I am back to daily seeking God’s plan for my day. I usually start off with, “God I can’t teach without you. Please show me how to be the teacher you want me to be today.” What a difference it makes on my outlook toward others and me. Have you ever felt called by God to do something, only to use your own strength to do the work? As you continue reading through 1 Samuel, I hope that you can see what a difference God makes in all parts of our daily lives. 

 

A fellow traveler,

 

Kathy